Jokes in English

To laugh out loud, let's tell some CUALE_Prof jokes. According to them, these pranks are the very, very best ever.



A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He takes his first sip and puts it down. While he's looking around the bar, a monkey jumps down and steals the pint of beer from him. "Whose monkey is that? the man asks angrily. "It belongs to the piano player", the barman replies. So, the man walks over to the piano player and says, "Do you know, your monkey stole my beer". And the pianist replies, "No but if you hum it, I'll play it".



IDIOT DRIVER
An idiot was driving down the A34 motorway, when suddenly his mobile phone rang. The dad said: "Son , I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way down the A34. Please, be careful.
"It's not just one car, dad" says the idiot. "There's hundreds of them"


SUICIDE YELL
Three men: a Scotsman, an Englishman and a sumo wrestler are about to commit suicide by jumping off the top of a building. The Scotsman jumps off and shouts, "God save Scotland! "Next, the Englishman jumps off and shouts, "God Save England!" Finally, the sumo wrestler jumps off and shouts, ·God save the person who I land on!"


Teacher.- John Why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor.,
John.- You told me to do it without using tables.



If I were a dog and you were a flower I´d lift up my leg and give you a shower.